Monday, September 20, 2010

Proposal Update, and a quick word about roadkill

Just FYI to those that care, I finished the chapter outline and Robert and I came up with a list of "competitors", which I need to do a writeup about, and I will be doing a quick update to the intro to mention things like the Saw movies and shows like Dead Like me and Six Feet Under to show that there is a strong contemporary interest on the subject.

Now on to other things... It is beginning to be Fall here in New Hampshire, and that means people going insane about dead leaves, apple cider and pumpkins, and a shitload of dead animals in the road. This seems to have a lot to do with the animals being more active since they are stocking up for the winter early (they do that here), so they are out more, and then there are the old folks. New Hampshire may be called the Granite state, but it could just as well be called the "Geriatric Wastelands" since everyone here is either a college student or an old person.

This is important to mention because many of these people insist on driving long after their faculties have left home, much like their children's children's children. This leads to slow driving and sudden braking for no apparent reason, as well as a lack of focus that renders creatures like porcupines, raccoons and opossums invisible. On the plus side, most of these animals are shy so you rarely see them out and about. The bad news is that when you do, most of the time their guts are out and about too.

However, it would be unfair to merely blame the elderly; see this is New England, where the people who aren't old are mostly assholes. Okay, so that may be unfair, there are some really nice people here, I have heard. I just haven't met many of them.

New Hampshire's motto is "Live Free or Die", which is typically interpreted to natives as "Fuck you, I will do whatever I want, and treat you like YOU are the dick if you call me on it." That is a bit wordy for the license plates, however.

While this image is just someone trying to be clever, that slogan is literally one of the most popular bumper stickers (or "stickahs" if you happen to be a hick from around here) in the entire state. I mention all of this because I have known people who actively aim for small animals in the road. I am willing to bet that many of these people still wet their beds and want to be cops, meaning that they are likely all serial killers in training (this is not a far fetched belief if you have ever met anyone from NH)

The final group (and mind you, these three make up roughly 99% of the NH population. The 1% of decent human being exists because nature abhors a vacuum and despises remainders) is made up of people who drive so fast that they can't register the movement of small animals like squirrels, chipmunks and moose. I myself have killed a moose with a car, but I plead innocence based on the fact that I was driving in an ice storm in April, because fucking New Hampshire has ice storms in April some years.

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