Friday, September 17, 2010

Terror has a new face (and it is Zombie Fanboys)

The chapter outline is done;
And that means exactly jack-squat right now, but it will have more significance soon, don't you worry.

On to the main point of this post.

I have been toying with this for a while and I figured now I would take a little time to address some people I offended last month when this article ran:

7 Scientific Reasons a Zombie Outbreak Would Fail (Quickly)

I was verbally beaten, mercilessly, by the most dedicated fanboys in the world (apparently), the zombie fanboy. They come in many flavors; Resident Evil, Left 4 Dead, even 28 Days Later. But the most virulent, rabid, and scary of them all are the Max Brooks Zombie fanboys. Holy shit, those people would cause a Muslim terrorist to give pause.

In case you are unfamiliar with his work, Max Brooks is the author of The Zombie Survival Guide and World War Z, two very clever, well written and interesting works of fiction. I make that distinction since the hardcore fans of his books seem to have missed the "story" part of the term "story book" and jumped right in to buying water purifies, canned food and (God help us) guns.

Now, many of the people who posted comments said, and I quote, "the author apparently never read The Zombie Survival Guide", which was actually pretty astute; I had never seen a real copy of it until the day after the article ran. Much like all of the psychopathic virgins fans who commented on my article, I enjoyed it immensely. Unlike them, I understood that it was a work of fiction, lovingly created by a fan of the genre.

Much to my continued chagrin, I wound up taking many of their comments personally, despite being well aware of the fact that reading comments is one of the many things HP Lovecraft tried to warn us against in his many works documenting the horrors of the universe. They are like the might Cthulhu, and if you view them, you will go insane and babble for eternity. Or, you know, you will make a complete asshat out of yourself and start trading insults with obsessed 13 year olds over the internet. I chose the latter. (I chose wrong)

A few points I would like to address briefly;

The movies The Crazies(The original and the remake) and both of the 28 Days Later movies are "zombie movies" in the fact that they follow the similar themes and tropes; doomsday scenarios where humans are turned into monsters that propagate by turning normal people into the same thing.

I was writing about undead. And not Max Brooks's undead (or as some truly bewildering fanboys called him, Mel Brooks. I am serious, look it up), but the walking corpses of the original 1978 Dawn of the Dead, the single greatest Zombie movie ever made. Pretty much every convention we have stemmed from this one movie; the new breeds, the bite-spread super sprinter zombies gained popularity with the 2004 remake.

This brings me to another point; in the article I mention that biting is a horrible way to spread a disease. For the truly confused (and there were a lot of them) I would like to clarify; zombies biting is a horrible way to spread disease. I am well aware of things like mosquitoes and fleas. Yes I know biting spreads malaria and west Nile, and spread the Plague. But those were spread by insect bites, not zombies.

My final note; I totally get that people took the article personally. It was my fantasy, too, probably for longer than some of the offended have even been alive. But as the old web saying goes (and I will burn in hell for writing this, I am well aware); Arguing over the internet is like competing in the Special Olympics; even if you win, you are still a retard.


  1. Very true. I guess people really forget how much is real and how much is isn't in the stories they immerse themselves in.
    I think its cool that you "rationalized" your thoughts with them. At least you can sleep easier that you tried to tie up the dangling lose end you left behind.
    I admire your blog, and will/shall/must continue to follow your activity.
    The amount of insanity-logic-reasoning you mix into your articles is terribly interesting. And the way they all mesh together in your stories is nothing short of admirable.

    keep on brooding!

  2. Thank you very much. This was an attempt to explain where I came from without being a complete dick about it, and it appears that I pulled that off.

    Also, I am glad you like the blog; I am horribly inconsistent with it and would like to make it more... Consistent...

    I am not always very creative...