Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Some BK: Part 2 of what will be a continuing thing on Fast Food

As previously mentioned in this very blog, I love fast food. Today, I decided to extol a little on the virtues of Burger King. It's been years now that fast food restaurants have made their menu's nutrition information transparent to us; if you want to know how much a McNugget is giving you in fat and calories, just Google it, or even check the bottom of the box they came in. No doubt, when this first went into practice, more than a few fast food executives probably thought it would spell the end of fast food as we know it.

Fortunately for our race, we collectively aren't that stupid; this is why society as a whole has not choked to death on it's own spit. Our world is full of morons, but even though they are loud, they are not in the majority, so for every 1 person who looked at the nutrition information on a fast food meal and screamed "That greasy slab of beef covered in mayo cheese and bacon was bad for me?!?! AHHHHHH!", there were about 10,000 who shrugged as he ran off, because they weren't surprised, they knew that shit was bad for them.

So here we are with BK. Supersize Me was biased aimed at McDonald's, but Ronald and company has nothing on the King. In fact, while Mickey D's was dropping Supersize from the menu, and Morgan Spurlock frolicked in a field somewhere, feasting on self-righteousness (which is Vegan and low in cholesterol, I hear), Burger King was not only not in the "They're killing us with saturated fat and sodium!" spotlight, they unveiled the Enormous Omelet Sandwich, which I believe the Japanese refer to as "Fuck you health breakfast" or something like that.

Note, while searching for the Bk sandwich link up there, this is what Google's autofill came up with:

The third one down made me choke on my drink.

Anyway, that attitude carries on to this day, and their cavalier attitude towards your ability to not have your arteries seize on fat is admirable and obvious. Just look at the Flash intro to their nutrition menu. I wish I could link you directly to it here, but they probably have some security in place preventing hot-linking, as they should. But if you don't feel like clicking, it looks like this at some point:

That, boys and girls, is completely unapologetic food porn. Whoever is the Ray Crock of Burger King is the Larry Flint of fast food. I suppose that makes McDonald's the Playboy of fast food; they never show you everything, the pictures are doctored and the food is less whorish, but it's really just a watered down version of the other.

Once you actually get into the menu, the fun starts in earnest. I made this:

I wanted to show it in full size because I wanted you to be able to read the nutrition info on that monstrosity. See, the menu configurator thing apparently lets you design a meal that you can order for real at any one of their fine BK locations. That started off as a Quad Stacker. Then I added 4 more kinds of cheese, onion fries, a whopper patty, an Angus patty, a Tendercrisp Chicken fillet, a fish fillet, a veggie burger, extra Stacker sauce and ketchup. Oh, and pickles. I think maybe a goldfish or a baby wound up in there at some point, I am not sure; I got a little carried away adding stuff.

I also added lettuce and tomato, but whether it was because of the sheer amount of garbage I crammed onto the bun or a sign of Burger King's continued war on health, they disappeared out the top of the configurator. They literally let you build food too large for the food builder to display properly.

Kudos to you BK. Kudos for not caring what others think, even when that means people have inadvertently committed suicide with your food. I love you all the same.

Burger King; Don't fuck with us, or we'll make you eat here.

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